Open Letter to My Newly Divorced Self
Dear Newly Divorced You,
Right now, you look like a woman, but you’re really just a little girl in a woman’s body. It’s okay, no need to feel offended, I’m sure a lot of women have been there before. You’re lost, but you don’t look like it. Empty, but you don’t realize it…yet. Going on vacations and spending money on clothes and shoes to hang out in will never bring you joy. Yeah, you’ll feel happy for a while, but when it’s all over, you’re going to realize that you have a lot of self discovering to do. Sure, you had a failed marriage and you want to feel true happiness, but you won’t find it spending time in the VIP section of any club. Nope, not even the one that EVERYBODY goes to. The people you meet there are only going to enjoy hanging out with you for the moment. And, no, that guy that told you to “hit him up later” isn’t really going to keep in touch with you either. In fact, he probably doesn’t know which female you are when you text or call because he gave his number out to several other females. Sorry, but, your smile, personality, and even your short sassy haircut won’t ever win over a person that wants to continue weighing their options. I know you’ve only had one real relationship in your life, and you think you want to settle down again soon. A lot of people are going to know that you are single and try to hook you up with different people, but you just got out of a marriage and you are not healed. Those attempts at relationships you try to have right now will be very superficial because…you just aren’t ready.
Take some time to figure out exactly who you are. Not just on the surface, but all of the layers underneath. You have to learn how to be comfortable being alone. Sure, it will hurt sometimes, you will feel lonely, and sometimes you are going to cry and be bitter. You never set out to be a single parent, but guess what, you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last. As a matter of fact, it’ll probably shock you to know that you’re going to be able to help other women in the future. You will spend so much time learning about who you are that you will realize the importance in taking time out to breathe, become who you are, and be unashamed to speak your truth because it’s yours. You will have days when you won’t understand your journey, but so does everyone else. You are not alone, no one has arrived at perfection…no one. I know you are a Christian woman and you have been all of your life, but within the next few years you will fall in love with Jesus like never before. And, when you do, you are going to make some serious changes in your life for the better. Now, the most difficult part in this is that it’s going to require you to let go of some relationships you thought would last forever. There’s so much more freedom in Christ than it is to be out there operating in your own strength. There will be some days you’re going to wonder if it’s all worth it. But, I can tell you with an assurance I never thought I’d have, that you are going to be just fine. You are going to realize that every tear, every disappointment, and every mistake you make is going to mold you into the person you are supposed to be. None of what I’m telling you is going to make sense to you right now, but I promise the journey will be beautiful, even when you venture off of the path you know you’re supposed to be on (BECAUSE YOU WILL), don’t beat yourself up with guilt. Just turn back around and get back on track. There are so many lessons in life and love that you will learn, but the most important one is to love yourself—it’s not selfish to do that. When you love yourself fully, you will find that you are able to be a better person for everyone around you. You will notice that when you take time to find out who you are and what makes you laugh, cry, smile, or squeal with excitement that you will have more confidence in yourself. You will find the voice inside of you that shivered and hid when it was time to tell people NO when they asked you to do something you didn’t want to do. You will use that voice and it will feel liberating. With each stride you make in the direction to become who you are meant to be, you will walk with a swing in your waist, a head held high, and a strut that comes with your new confidence. You already have the tools to evolve…you just have to learn to use them. Read books, listen to sermons, ask questions, and don’t be ashamed. One day you are going to wake up and be really proud of the woman you are becoming.
You will look in the mirror and realize how far you’ve come. And you will learn that you are not the only one that has had to wander through the wilderness of adulthood. It is a beautiful journey, but only you can make it that way. Just breathe and take one step at a time. One step—At. A. Time.
Yourself Years Down the Road
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