Chilling vs. Building + Dating in 2020
Updated: Apr 18
I saw this on Instagram on @stephanspeaks page and immediately I thought to write a blog post (even though I hadn't written one in a while).
When you have more than temporary pleasures on your mind, just chilling with someone to pass time doesn’t sound appealing. It's easy to laugh and have fun with almost anyone. And, chemistry, well you can get that pretty quickly as well. You know that feeling of "oh my gosh I feel like we've known each other forever..."? Meeting someone with similar goals and spiritual beliefs is much more difficult, but I believe it's worth it.
When something isn't common, you have a deeper appreciation for it when you get it.
There is so much value in knowing your worth. Don't settle. But, on the flip side, make sure you are everything the type of person you're desiring to get with would like to have as well. Afterall, you don't want your dream man settling either, right? For example, if you are looking to marry someone that is going to lead you, be sure you are ready to follow him without giving him a bunch of attitude. If you want someone with a nice body are you working out and eating the right foods as well? You want a man who loves God? Do you spend time with the Lord yourself? It's so important to begin planting the seeds you want to reap in marriage before you are married. I was watching a sermon with Bishop T.D. Jakes and he said sometimes we wait and wait for the Lord to rain blessings down on our lives, but we don't sow seeds.
If it rains on soil where no seeds have been planted, nothing grows. The only result is wet, muddy ground.
You also don't have to wait until you are married to pray for your future husband. I do this now. A while back I posted how I did that in my Instagram stories and a few people asked me about it. I explained it to them individually via direct messaging. But, if you're interested in seeing a blog post about what I do, let me know and I will post one. When I learn, I want to share because that's what life's journey is all about. Live, learn, and share.
I used to wonder why I went through certain things, but I am now realizing that many times, our trials are not just for us. The things we go through can be used to help those who step into spaces after us. Getting married and divorced was not my idea of an ideal life for myself. But, I have learned more in this single season than I could have ever imagined.
I am a better, stronger version of myself because of this period of my life.
Most of the lessons I learned were from mistakes. Some were my own. Then, some were learned from watching others fail, and me deciding I didn't want to go down that same path. Trust me, I haven't always been one to go to the Lord before I made decisions, so when I speak to other singles about things I don't speak looking down from a mountain top while they are stuck in a valley. I speak as one with experience hoping to help them climb out. I have learned to grace others because I am grateful I received it when I needed it most. I believe all of the things I have learned and I am STILL learning will help others, even if I can really help one person then that's great too.
If you need a good laugh and a break from all of the news, I have a great suggestion. Listen to the latest Life with the Lindseys podcast episode, it is titled Dating 2020 (YouTube link below it is also available on iTunes). The podcast is hosted by Pastor Cornelius Lindsey and his wife Heather. I have followed this couple's ministry since the beginning, and I really enjoy seeing people with genuine hearts for the Lord spreading the Word. They are unapologetic in their love for Christ, and they also keep it real when it comes to their everyday experiences. Their podcast is very candid. If you are looking for a sermon, this is not where you will find one, but they both have great sermons available on YouTube. I attribute a lot of my spiritual growth to many of Heather's social media/blog posts, books, and I have gone to see her preach as well.
What I enjoyed about this episode was the variety of perspectives represented. Cornelius and Heather gave their two cents as a married couple. Then, they had two guests who are single. One is his sister Agatha, she is divorced and raising her 3 children. Then, there was Brittany, she's never been married and has no children. Their views were comical in some portions of the podcast, but they also had some very real moments. As a single woman who would like to be married again someday, I enjoy getting all of the insight I can on both married and single life. They not only speak on dating, but they speak about submission in marriage, sharing schedules with one another, and much more. I really recommend listening to the whole thing. In the beginning they spend a lot of time goofing around, but there's some really good points throughout and even toward the end.
Connect with me on social media and if you know someone that could benefit from this please share.